he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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