If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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