She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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