there's paper in my vomit.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
