I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
