My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
