if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
