Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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