We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
