This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
