it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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