you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
