i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
