My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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