It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
soo... how was my night?
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