I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
