He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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