There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
