I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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