ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
