I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
