I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
