Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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