You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
