I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
