Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Boobs speak an international language.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
