My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
