watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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