I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
