38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
