he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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