im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
