TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
