Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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