A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
