Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
