Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
