if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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