he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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