Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
