Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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