i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
