how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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