were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
