oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
