I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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