3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
