your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
