i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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