All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
