How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
