If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
