she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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